Day 7

Oh my god, longest week of my life. On day two, when I really realized how long 21 days was, I decided that I would at the least stick it out for 7 days, and then take it from there. So here it is, 7 days. Do I think I can last another 14? We'll see...

So you're probably thinking, okay, it's been 7 days and all you've eaten is awful powder drinks, horrible tasting vegetable juices, and gruel (i.e. soup made from vegetables that are boiled and then pureed with no-salt seasoning) - are you feeling hungry? Surprisingly no. If I'm feeling like I'm about to be hungry, I'll have an aforementioned horrible drink concoction. And then I feel full. But I've been drinking more juices from Whole Foods that have all the green veggies in it, but also contain bananas and apples. I'm not really supposed to but f it, an organic juice that contains fruit isn't going to kill me.

But craving food? Yes. I switch between wanting fried chicken and nachos. I close my eyes, and eat them in my head. Pathetic I know, but it does make me happier when I do it. And a Taco Bell Mexican Pizza. God, how I want one. (Even though I'm probably not going to partake of dairy and red meat when this is over.) However, people can now eat in front of me without me ogling them. I do adore the smell of good food, but I don't have an immediate inclination to grab their plate and start digging in.Tonight will be a big test as I'm going out to dinner with the BF and his parents. I'm bringing an Evolution Super Green Drink with me to suckle on while they chow down.

As far as how I'm feeling, I woke up super early with a lot of energy. My morning coffee is replaced with a shot of Goji Juice and a big glass of distilled water. Yes, I'm one of those people now. I also lost 11 pounds after 6 days of detoxing. Obviously, I retained a ton of water from all the sodium in those magical Lean Pockets that I'll no longer be eating.

14 more days to go...

Detox Day 4: Bath Time!

This morning I woke up 2 pounds lighter (bringing my total to 8 pounds) and feeling terrible. I could barely stand to use the toilet and when I finally did, I was so dizzy I had to stop myself from falling down. I was achy, bloated, tired, and felt like I had the flue. I was in what Dr. Roni, creator of the Martha's Vinyard Diet Detox, calls a "healing crisis." My body is expelling toxins at such a rapid rate that they're building up in my blood stream and making me feel like hell. This is typically felt around the 4 day of the detox (right on schedule for me!) and will go away either in a day or two, but can last for even more depending on how many Lean Pockets, Diet Dr. Pepper, and delicious highly-caffeinated lattes my body was forced to endure. Ooops, yeah, that would be a lot. So I turned down an offer to see Crank 2 with some friends, and decided to stay at home and keep drinking lots and lots of water. My delicious morning shot of Goji Berry juice helped me somewhat, but I only felt like I could truly move around after choking down a glass of my required morning green drink (what I yesterday described as the "dirty sponge drink"). Yes, it tasted terrible, but actually made me feel wonderful immediately afterwards. So that's a plus.

Then I took a detoxificating bath with Epsom salts and Organic Pharmacy's Jasmine Bath Oil. The two combined made a relaxing rejuvinating bath that made me feel wonderful enough to drag myself to the computer to write this post. And also for the moment make me stop thinking about a terrible craving I have for nachos. (God, I didn't realize how much I loved Mexican food until this detox. Stop thinking about it! Moving on...).

Including Epsom salts is the most simple and effective way to create a bath that eases muscle soreness and generally relax the body. Any time I had a sore bath or sore feet my mother would immediately instruct me to soak in Epsom Salts. I've found a lot of people don't think about this very simple home-remedy and I can't recommend it highly enough. According to the detox instructions, Epsom salts also give the water a higher ion content than the body, drawing fluids and, therefore, toxins out of the body. Plus I should have added baking soda to help neutralize the acids contained in the toxins. 2 cups of each together make the perfect detox bath.

But of course I needed to add a little luxury, and that's where Organic Pharmacy's bath oil came in. I can trust that every product from Organic Pharmacy won't hider the effects of my detoxification, and it also doesn't hurt that all their products are fabulous. This heavily concentrated oil (only use one capful!) contains the cold pressed oils of Jojoba, Rose Hip, Wheatgerm, and sunflower. Plus Jasmin for a wonderful aroma that makes my bath a real treat.

It's not nachos, but this detox bath is sure helping me through the craving. 18 more days to go...

Organic Pharmacy, 453 N Beverly Dr., Beverly Hills.

Detox Day 3: This healthy stuff is discusting

It's day 3 and I'm learning how deeply my love for coffee is. Especially those non-fat lattes from Urth. I have a little less of an attitude problem than I did yesterday, but I'm kind of bummed. I'm mourning my loss of coffee. I still complain a lot, and was instructed by my Partner in Pretty to "stop being so dramatic" about how gross one of my veggie drinks was yesterday. (I'm thinking this detox is almost as hard on her as it is on me!) I'm already thinking about how I'm going to eat differently when this is over, like how I'm going to give up dairy and eat very little animal protein. I'm even pursuing the notion of becoming a vegan, something that seemed impossible before but now, seems like a luxury. It's the giving up of those delicious lattes that I'm sad about. And I also need to rant about these powders that are making my existence pretty miserable:

Barlean's Greens is some kind of super food that will give me an ultra dose of veggie nutrition and active enzymes that have been missing from my diet of Lean Pockets and Diet Dr. Pepper (i.e., the greatest meal ever!). I have this at home to eat in the morning after my shot of Goji Berry Juice. This one, sad little shot of Goji Berry Juice is the highlight of my day as it tastes wonderful. But then after that -- ugh, get ready for the "green drink." I even follow the advice in the MV Diet Detox book and mix the green drink in my blender to make sure there isn't undissolved granules. But whatever, this stuff is gross. It tastes exactly like an old kitchen sponge that needs to be thrown away. I cope with this morning horror by downing it as fast as I can with a bendy straw and then immediately follow it with a big gulp of water with lemon to rid my mouth of the taste.


Green's + Wild Berry Burst will give me a ton of antioxidants, and the same nutritional benefits of eating a crapload of fruit, but without the sugar of fruit. This I'm supposed to have when I get to work at about 10 am. I skipped this morning's dose, I just can't take it. Everyone on Vitacost's site said that this stuff tastes wonderful. Whuh? Then I realized that they have the pleasure of mixing it in with bananas, strawberries, etc. and using it to make a delicious healthy smoothie. However I'm just supposed to mix this with straight up distilled water and that's it. The fake berry taste is overwhelming, and just awful. I'll probably eat my morning dose of this later, I'm just in a bad mood right now.



VegeSplash is a super concetrated mix of vegetable nutrition. It also tastes pretty gross. It's reminiscent of tomatoes, but watered down with a side of anguish. I'm supposed to have this at 12 (or instead a live juice) and again at 2. So even though I made a wonderful juice concoction of carrots, cucumber, and broccolli that's waiting for me at noon, I still have to choke down this crap at 2. Hmm...maybe I'll mix it in with my nightly soup instead?


I don't mean to bash all these powders, in fact I'll probably keep using them even after this detox, integrating them into daily routines. But instead of just drinking them with water, I'll mix the VegeSplash in with a soup or veggie juice, and mix the Berry Burst in with apple juice, just as examples. I'm consoled by several things: that I made an awesome batch of Italian Green Bean Soup that was oh so filling and good, that I came up with a live veggie juice recipe that didn't taste like death, and that I've lost 6 pounds since I started.

19 more days to go. . .

Urth's delicious latte image source

The poop on my colonic

As I mentioned yesterday, I'm on a 21 day Martha's Vinyard Detox fasting program so that I can clean out my entire system, fit back into my pants and, more importantly, lose my emotional attachment to food. This is day 2. It sucks. Like really, really sucks. But let's get to the adventure I had last night at The Beverly Wellness Center getting what's euphemistically called "colon hydrotherapy" because the dreaded word "colonic" is too horrifying for most to utter. And it was of little comfort to read the Tweets of my Partner in Pretty who, at that same moment, was enjoying a fancy din din at Katsuya with Adam Levin at the next table. Whatever.

Weekly colonics are an integral part of this three week detox program. Because of all the green drinks, digestive enzymes, water, berry drinks, veggie juices and soups and everything else that has made up my torturous past two days, my body will flush out a bunch of toxins. The best way to get them out is with good ol' water up the butt. Sounds unpleasant, I know. If you're one of those "Oh no! TMI! TMI!" people, then I suggest you move on to another post. It's my responsibility as a hard-hitting journalist for LA Pretty to give all the dirty details.

Before I was even taken to the room where my treatment would take place, I was shown where the toilet was. Because this toilet will be the single most important thing in my life immediately after the treatment. And oh, was it a nice toilet too. The seat was not only heated, but it was equipped with something that will shoot water up your butt at the touch of a button. At first it was disconcerting, but I got quite used to it when I put it to the test. And it comes with a dryer. Yes, a dryer! I heard rumours of these kind of toilets in Japan, and playing with it was really the highlight of the entire experience.

So let's get down to the nitty gritty. You strip from the waist down, put on a long hospital gown, and are told to lay on your side and bend your upper leg. Then comes the scary part. She took my hand and had me push in the speculum myself (guiding me as I did it). While I found it strange at the time, I do understand that I know my own level of comfort, so it made sense that if I freaked out, I could immediately stop everything until I was more relaxed. Oh, and her advice to "open your mouth and your eyes because that relaxes you" is good to know for future reference. So then, she says, the worst part is over. I carefully roll onto my back while keeping my knees raised. And then try to relax.

Sitting in front of the hydrotherapy machine, which has a window so that I can see what goes in and out, my therapist turned on the water and waited for me to let her know when I couldn't take anymore, a bit after cramping but way before the "oh my god, I'm going to die" feeling sets in. I was filled and emptied, filled and emptied, but only clear water seemed to be coming out. Meanwhile my therapist explained how hydration was the key to colon health. That it takes water to make your poo able to come out. That, and green leafy veggies. And as my pre-detox lifestyle where most of my liquids consisted of lattes and Diet Dr. Pepper, my colon probably wasn't the healthiest. But since water and green drinks were all I had yesterday, the first day of my detox, I figured I was good. And I was right! My therapist mentioned "whatever this detox is that you're on, it's great as you're really emptying quickly!" I couldn't help but be proud.

So it continued, the somewhat unpleasant filling process where cramping would come in, and me saying "um, OK" and then the emptying. My therapist would occasionally massage my tummy and use some kind of vibrating massager to break up whatever clumpy things where in there. Not that much came out during the treatment, surprisingly enough. But when the treatment was over, the tube was removed and I was instructed to go to that prized toilet, let's just say I had moments like that in Mexico. There was cramping, there was lots of flushing, and there were some unpleasant moment of "what the hell did I just do?" And this was only the beginning. I was advised to have two more treatments within the next two weeks as this first one only just cleaned out the first part of my colon.

I was told I would feel drained afterwards, and I did. But this morning I woke up at 6 with no alarm, and was actually alert. All in all, not the most pleasant of experiences, but one that I was glad I did. And I have two more coming.

BH Wellness Center's info on colonics

first image source

Today is the first day of the rest of my life

As a avid listener to The Howard Stern Show every day for the past year, I've been hearing lots about Robin Quivers' 21 day Martha's Vinyard Detox fasts. Mostly it's because the whole crew including Howard make fun of her and her devotion to such foreign things as colonics, coffee enemas, and the mysterious "green drinks" that she's always consuming. Between doing her detoxing, Quivers has also become a vegan to maintain her healthy lifestyle and, since starting her first detox over a year ago, she's lost over 100 pounds, has incredibly energy, and can't say enough good things about how Roni DeLuz's detox program has saved her life.

I always found her descriptions of her diet interesting, but not for me. Who could go 21 days without food? Who would want to?? But after doing more research, I realized it's not a fast at all -- you're eating, just not chewing. Your meals are organic fruit juices, soups and lots and lots of water coupled with digestive enymes, cleansing tablets, and nutrient rich powdered drinks. Colonics and coffee enemas are highly encouraged. The idea behind the not chewing is that by giving your body a rest from digesting solid foods, it can instead focus on cleansing. The average detoxer is not only expected to lose around 21 pounds, but have better hair, skin, energy, and a new outlook on life (DeLuz writes that it would also be helpful to be in therapy during the detox the cleanse with detoxify both body and mind).

So after several other of Robin's friend went on it with surprisingly good results, I figured, why not? After all, pretty much everything I eat, sadly, comes out of a box. I've never been happy with my weight, and I'm about to turn the big 3-0 and want to greet it with a new, more actualized, sense of self. I'm ready for some cleansing.

Today is day one. My first colonic (eek!) is scheduled for this evening. Check back for all the dirty details.


Quivers' Larry King interview about the fast.
Google Group on 21 pounds in 21 days.